The Humble Farmer

Banquet Speaker, Entertainer, Humorist

Location: St. George, Maine, United States

I enjoy standing on stages in front of sober people who like to laugh. I enjoy playing bass in a jazz band.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

February 11, 2005 Tentative Radio Rants


"Today is Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address. As Air America Radio pointed out, it is an ironic juxtaposition: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication and the other involves a groundhog."

From D, a radio friend.


Two or three years ago I had around 700 Nigerian letters in my computer. I can’t remember why I should have been saving them because they’re sad letters. They are letters written by lawyers or ministers --- family friends of a lonely someone without children, aunts, siblings or cousins. This person died in a plane crash or was poisoned by his business partners. And what makes it really sad is, every man jack of them had from 20 to 78 million dollars in a big black box. I know what you’re going to say. Of course you probably don’t want to die if you haven’t got a cent to your name, but think how much worse someone feels about dying when they have 28 million dollars in ready money lying around in a box. It would be just like dying with five cord of dried and split birch stacked neatly in your barn. You did all the work and next winter somebody else is going to be toasting popcorn by the fire with your wife. But --- I have been studying these Nigerian letters for several years now, and I’m starting to notice a pattern. The landscape is littered with hundreds of thousands of people who died in a plane crash or a car crash or a train wreck and every single one of them left umpteen million dollars behind and no heirs. Nigeria must be a strange place, indeed, because the minute you stop breathing in the state of Maine, the man in charge of selling your trailer is going to be mobbed by relatives you haven’t heard from in years.



Blogger Kerry said...

Do you have any memories of the hyvarinens?

11:02 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home