The Humble Farmer

Banquet Speaker, Entertainer, Humorist

Name:
Location: St. George, Maine, United States

I enjoy standing on stages in front of sober people who like to laugh. I enjoy playing bass in a jazz band.

Friday, January 07, 2005

No Stress In Maine

Last week, my doctor says to me, "You're lucky to live here in Maine where there is no stress."
No stress here in Maine? I'd like to see that doctor's wife drag him out of bed at 5 o'clock some January morning when it's two below zero. I'd like to see him bundle up and head out to start his 25-year-old diesel tractor --- the one with the plow but no cab on it. I'd like to see him go out through a window, because last night's slush on the doorstep had turned into solid ice when the temperature dropped forty degrees. And after spending an hour freezing his fingers while getting that old tractor started, I'd like to see that doctor try to move three feet of ice and snow in front the garage door so his wife could get out and drive 30 miles to teach school. And then I'd like to hear his wife yapping at him to take an axe and chop the ice off the doorstep so she, who is already half an hour late in leaving, can get out of the house without climbing out the window like he did. And after he'd knocked a corner off his granite doorstep and ruined his axe while chopping away the ice, can't you see his wife stepping into a two foot drift and getting snow down her boots because he hadn't had time to shovel a path? Oh, wouldn't I like to be there right then when he turns to his wife and says, "I love it here in Maine, where there is no stress."

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