The Humble Farmer

Banquet Speaker, Entertainer, Humorist

Name:
Location: St. George, Maine, United States

I enjoy standing on stages in front of sober people who like to laugh. I enjoy playing bass in a jazz band.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

February 4, 2005 Tentative Radio Rants

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http://www.lungusa.org/site/apps/nl/content2.asp?c=dvLUK9O0E&b=34893&ct=323661&notoc=1
Did you know that 55 percent of Americans live in an area where smog or particle air pollution is at unsafe levels? I didn’t know it until I just read it. And while I was stumbling around on the Internet I also read these recent words by the president of the American Lung Association who says, “No one should have to breathe unsafe air. With the stroke of a pen, EPA could issue a rule that will clean tons of particle pollution out of the air. Instead, just last weekend, the Administration decided to gamble with the health of millions of Americans and set that rule aside.
“Today’s action is the equivalent of a diagnosis that millions are exposed to one of the most dangerous and widespread poisons that exists in the air. At levels in this country today, particle pollution significantly increases the risk of premature death, lung cancer, chronic bronchitis and heart attacks. In addition it triggers asthma attacks, shortness of breath, coughing, wheezing, and leads to increased trips to the emergency room and hospitalizations for asthma and other respiratory and cardiovascular diseases.
“The Administration dropped plans to issue a major rule that would have taken hundreds of thousands of tons of particle pollution out of the air. The Administration decided last Saturday to put off the Clean Air Interstate Rule (CAIR), which would have greatly reduced emissions from one of the largest sources of particle pollution, dirty coal-fired power plants.” End of quote
Do you get the impression that big business has more political clout than the American Lung Association? If you think about it, all the other businesses that make money when people get sick would also be against clean air. So, America, get used to burning eyes and a sick feeling in your lungs. Why should I mention this? As I speak, my eyes smart and my lungs have been burning from smoke and smog for three days. When it comes to smoke and smog, I’m sorry to say that I am a very wimpy person. Oh, I also read about two simple and very sensible things you can do to provide yourself and your loved ones with a healthier home environment, but I’ll bet you don’t love your kids enough to change your ways. Don’t smoke inside and don’t burn wood.

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You have heard that four ounces of red wine knocks the stuffing out of the bad body bugs that cause prostate trouble. I just heard about it 3 gallons ago and because I have empirical evidence to suggest that my genes are very susceptible to prostrate trouble, I’ve been walking the four ounces to me every noon right after dinner. For my entire life I have been such an alcohol hater that I wouldn’t even eat anything if I knew it had been cooked in wine. But now I stand by the sink, take a big breath, and gulp four ounces of red medicine in six swallows. Without taking a breath, I wash it down with a cup of water. If you have ever had a taste of wine, you know why I wash it down with water. Unless you count some white, chalky goo that only doctors can prescribe, wine is about the nastiest tasting medicine known. You would think that one would develop a tolerance to something that tastes bad if you have to swill it day after day after day. But three gallons and three months later, wine still tastes as rotten as it did on day one. Please, if you were not on the wine medication and if as a result you had prostrate trouble, please send me an email. Encourage me to continue my six swallows of nasty every day. Tell me that there is something worse.

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My wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect woman said, “Why are you reading that scam letter? They are all the same.” Which goes to show that she doesn’t know much about Nigerian scam letters. Listen to this one. “I have been trying to contact any of his relative in the city of Moss, his home country Norway through his address with me, to let his people know about his money in our bank but I did not receive any response. I later remembered that Mr. Brge carlos came to my country out of shame he was receiving from his country because he was impotent.” This is obviously a poorly thought out lie: there are no impotent Norwegians.

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Over 12 million people voted for Hitler, and seventy years later we must believe that many of them already knew what he was going to do. After 1933, at every stage of his career, Hitler had a lot of serious support from well-meaning people. Back then it would have been considered unpatriotic to question your neighbors who really believed in Hitler’s plan to bring his kind of freedom to the oppressed people in Poland, France and Holland. True, in the German academic community there was an uncomfortable scholar or two, but in 1944 a critique of the program within earshot of one’s fascist neighbors would have been unproductive. The dissenters prudently kept their opinions to themselves. About the only way one could identify them was by the lack of that little black “Support Our Blitzkrieg” swastika on the back of their cars.

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Dear (h)umble, Perhaps I am not finding enough responsible things to occupy my time but your program is a highlight of my radio listening.

Please add my e-mail address to the list for your newsletter. Mike in Bangor

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Today I got an email from Olga who asked me why I had sent her an email that talked about Fred and the National BMW Bikers’ Convention. And I realized that I had mistakenly sent Olga a letter I had written to Fred. Have you ever had it happen to you? Get the wrong letter in the envelope or push the wrong button just because you were trying to do too many things at one time? This has been happening to people for years, but now they have a new name for it. Your boss summons you to his office, he looks up from a pile of papers and says, “So, multi-tasking again, hah?” If your boss is old enough he probably doesn’t know that you’ve been multi tasking and he’ll simply ask you why you’ve been running around like a chicken with your head cut off.

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You have heard me read letters from Olga, who warrants our constant attention if only because Olga once refused to contribute at a Ku Klux Klan roadblock. Here is part of a letter I got from Olga. I wrote back that I would not read on the radio this letter that I’m about to read.

Listen. Olga says: “The apple trees in your bed and breakfast pictures interest me. There are many apple trees around Kennebunk from which nobody picks the apples. Are they open season? Why don't people pick the apples? If I pick the apples, will I be shot (like I would in Arkansas)? Some of the trees are on public property and I have availed myself of their fruit, albeit surreptitiously, but have been reluctant to be seen in this pursuit and have not made a visible dent in their verdant pro-flig-acy.”

Proflig-acy?

End of quote. In 69 years, 9 of which were spent in ivy covered halls of higher learning, I never heard anyone say profligacy. I’ll bet that even Professor Jake Bennett, who knows everything there is to know about the English language wouldn’t dare pronounce that word. Forty years ago I do remember someone in my biology class at Gorham Normal School ask the professor if such and so a creature were vivi parous, and everyone who was there probably still remembers it.

So I’m not going to sit behind this microphone and stumble over words that would choke a Dutchman, just so you letter writers can sit by your radios and laugh and say, “Well, I snubbed him up good on that one.”

You know that professional newscasters avoid certain Greek, Latin and French words because they cannot be spoken into a live mike.

Yes, there are certain phonemic strings that you do not hear on the evening news.

This is because they do not readily lend themselves to flowing from the lips and teeth and tongue melli-forously.
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When I spoke at the National Farmers Organization meeting in Michigan I was very surprised to learn that American farmers are afraid of our government and the big companies that are dictating the policies of our government. Jim Hightower spoke before I did on the program and because I’d read Jim Hightower’s newsletters and because I’d heard Jim Hightower on Public Radio, I didn’t want to sit on the platform with him for fear of accidentally getting clobbered by a flying brick. When I first saw his name on the program, I even asked the person who was running the meeting if she had ever heard Jim Hightower. You see, I wondered if they knew what they were doing by bringing him in. They did. I had this misconception about farmers from North Dakota and Iowa and Ohio. And when I finally found out the way the wind was blowing and got up courage enough to ask individual farmers about it, I was told, “Walll, there’s farmers and there’s farmers.” Yes, an example of what I learned at that convention. As I recall, I heard that Wal*Mart is the second largest grocer in the country. They have so much economic muscle that they can now eliminate any competitor in any town by simply dropping, dropping, dropping prices on food, so that everyone shops at Wal*Mart. They can keep their prices down for a year or five years or however long it takes to plow the competition under. A couple of years down the road when everybody else has been put out of business, they are going to charge you whatever they want. At present, they are telling American farmers what they are willing to pay for tomatoes or lettuce and if American farmers can’t go along with the price that is offered, Wal*Mart buys tomatoes or lettuce in China or Mexico and sells that to American consumers instead. And the growling I heard at this meeting of American farmers who are trying to earn a living by raising good food for other Americans, is that when you pick up a nice looking Chinese cucumber in Wal*Mart at low, low prices, you, the American consumer, have no idea what kind of chemicals it’s been sprayed with or what kind of genetic tinkering you’re feeding the kids. Out at that Amway Grand Hotel in Grand Rapids I made the mistake of eating a Subway sandwich across the table from a man who has a PhD in bio chemistry or some such obscure discipline, and by the time he’d told me a bit about a company called Montsano, I wasn’t hungry. If learning about this kind of thing upsets you as it did me, you might do what I plan to do. I want to be happy. So from now on I’m going to do what apparantly over 50 percent of my neighbors have been doing for several years now. I'm going to avoid meetings where people get together to discuss matters that are really important, and I’m not going to read a newspaper or watch the evening news.

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Have you ever booked an airplane ticket on line? --- going through your computer? I have. I’ve done it several times. Usually it goes right through. But one night I spent almost two hours on a web page representing US Airways going round and round. Before they would let me buy the ticket, they wanted a user profile and a password. So I filled in the user profile page and entered a password and user name and pin number. And I wrote all these things down on a piece of paper but when I entered them, the computer balked. It kept telling me I had entered the wrong user name. But --- they know that there are simple old people who forget those things so right there on the page was a button that said, “push this if you have forgotten your user name.” So I pushed it, and sure enough, here comes an email --- with my dividend miles number. I spent enough time on the project to fly from Bangor to Detroit, before I was finally able to find a telephone number for US Air. For only an extra $5 fee, a kindly woman was able to help me buy a ticket. I didn’t mind paying the extra five for help --- but --- I didn’t like the salt they rubbed in my raw wounds. You see, while I was on hold a recording kept telling me how much quicker and easier it would be if I’d simply hang up and book the flight on line.
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Would you expect that The American Industrial Health Council is an industry-funded group that lobbies against "excessive" regulation of carcinogens? I asked Will Sugg about carcinogens.
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Dear humble. Carcinogen means "causes cancer" so hundreds if not thousands of compounds fall into this category. When you look on the Stolen Future website (http://www.ourstolenfuture.org/), you will see much mention of PCBs and PDBEs, which are industrial chemicals that are thought to be some of the worst. Another good website for a Maine group is at http://www.preventharm.org/ Thanks, Will Sugg

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You have heard me say that I’ve been reading the same Harlequin Romance in French for two winters now. This afternoon, though, I pulled from my shelf a harmless looking book called Hocus Pocus, which you probably know was written around 1990 by Kurt Vonnegut. I had never heard of Hocus Pocus but I knew that Kurt Vonnegut was famous, so I figured it was worth the quarter I paid for it at a lawn sale. Vonnegut writes: I was a Lieutenant Colonel at the end of the Viet Nam war, "which was about nothing but the ammunition business." So Vonnegut got my attention right there on the second page. And then, on the same page, I read something about profanity that I hope I will remember and honor for the rest of my life. Listen. Profanity "entitles people who don’t want unpleasant information to close their ears and eyes to you." If you were to think about it, shouting does the same thing. The book is Hocus Pocus and it might contain more observations worthy of our consideration.

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Anyone who lives in Maine knows that there are two basic schools of thought when it comes to putting on your sweater. You can either hang onto your shirt cuffs or you can let the sweater drag them way up over your elbows. Every morning when I put on my sweater I am faced with this ubiquitous metaphysical problem. Should I cast my lot with the cuff holders or should I join those who don’t mind their shirt cuffs pulled up above the elbow. The reason I have never taken a stand might suggest to an unbiased observer that one way is no better than the other. The difference between the philosophies is so meaningless and insignificant, I'm surprised the two camps have never gone to war.

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ear humble, Here's what my friend Mike M has to say regarding the Thomas Bearden material you asked me about.

Mike is easily the most highly self-educated person I've ever known. He was employed as a research assistant in the UMO physics department's Surface Science lab, where the Ph.D. hotshots who ran the place spontaneously started referring to him as "Doctor McDade" due to his ability to discuss their work with them on their own level. Eventually they discovered that he actually "only" held a bachelor's degree in philosophy (earned at Bowdoin) and seemed to feel he had hoodwinked them somehow. While there he availed himself of the employee benefit to education and earned a bachelor in computer science.

Mike knows an awful lot about almost anything you can think of, and any question he can't answer is only one he can't answer *yet*. He stands out to me as one of a very few people I know who manage to be skeptical and inquiring while keeping an open mind about things; to him, it isn't a question of how you feel about a thing, it's all a question of what the facts really are, so he's as happy to find his skepticism unwarranted as he is to learn that it wasn't.

Here's what he has to say:
From: Mike To: Mike S Subject: Re: Thomas Bearden from humble
I've heard this stuff battered around in bull sessions for
years and here are some of the conclusions I have reached:

1. Anything can be obfuscated by writing a mathematical
expression to represent it.

1a. It is fun, and lucrative in some cases, to write mathematical
expressions to describe things.

1b. After you write enough mathematical expressions to
get graduate student help, grants, and tenure you tend
to be locked into strange dead-end research with many
publications by large numbers of colaborating authors
that get presented as papers in interesting far-away
cities.

2. If anyone quotes any physicist and Rupert Sheldrake in
the same paragraph he probably is looking for an original
idea but probably hasn't found it yet.

3. Be suspicious of relatively easy-to-understand concepts
that seem to unify cosmological-scale and nuclear-scale
forces.

3a. String theory at its current level of evolution seems
to me to be just a complicated way of saying "I don't
know."

3b. Physicists like to criticize philosophers for "just
playing with words" then turn around and come up
with elaborate equations to reduce phenomena
that we cannot see into expressions we cannot
understand.

3c. Stephen Hawking seems to be having lots of fun
and I admire him profoundly.

4. People who are despondent over not being able to
understand how their own lives are controlled by
external physical law are not really in touch with
their own freedom as thinking human beings.

5. The quantum mechanical world is impossible to
visualize from the perspective of the macroscopic
world.

5a. It appears that we do not need to understand
quantum mechanics to fix the tractor.

5b. I think (a matter of belief for me) that the
world is arranged *SO THAT* we do not need
to know QM to FTT.

6. A 10-dimensional model of matter, energy, space,
and time is not likely to help me understand my
own personal experience.

7. It is interesting that black holes probably
evaporate and that every star will be gone in
a 100 billion years or so, but please do not
confuse "interesting" with "useful."

8. Sheldrake would have been more successful
if he had focussed on the behavior of brains as
processors of discrete patterns rather than on
consciousness as some kind of continuous
energy phenomenon.

8a. I believe a digital theory of consciousness
will turn out ultimately to be more interesting than
an analog theory.

8b. I find it interesting that the greatest divide
among science professionals is between the
physicists who work with "continuous"
phenomena by means of differential equations
and mathematicians working with "discrete"
integers and logic who also seem to make
good muscians.

9. At present the level of competence of those
who participate in these discussions is like two
boys discussing mechanical engineering who
have only seen the inside of a Farmall Cub
carbuerator.

10. The great missing part of these debates is
the role of information as a quantity somehow
related to perceivablity of quantum mechanical
states and entropy as hinted at by Claude
Shannon 50 years ago and even by Ernst Mach
100 years ago.

10a. A comprehensive theory of 10. above might
actually help me understand why I am having
trouble getting around to fixing the tractor.
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Hi Humble, Ive read the first third of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintanace - then I put it down and never picked it back up. Perhaps I will finish it now, I look forward to your review. Have you read this book that has been popular lately - The Di Vinci Code. It is an intertesting take on the search for the Holy Grail, and supposidly full of facts, I picked it up and haven't been able to put it down. It's very well written, but offensive to many whereas it is basically saying Christianity is a big lie. Enjoy Florida! I will be just outside of Jacksonville on February 28th. I was nominated and accepted for the 2005 Emerging Wildlife Conservation Leaders program...(I am very excited!) The website appears to be down so below is a description taken from the acceptance letter. Best to you and Martha, Roxie
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Yo' Humble-- When I read Zen and the Art, I found it amazingly self righteous. There's a guy in my church who sends out tidbits of wisdom to enlighten everybody and I found them in the same vein. One day he was writing on the value of letting go of judgment--he fancies himself a Buddhist-- and I wrote back that I thought sound judgment was one of the benefits of age. At 49.999, I find myself the victim of fewer bad decisions and mislaid trust than I did in my 20's. I also judged that he couldn't spell judgment, and he wrote back that he pitied me. Alas. Lately he sent an all church email to my husband (who was not summarily unsubscribed) about the value of everybody sending $5 (like him) to aid in the disaster relief and if everybody sent $5, that would make a lot. What a cheapskate, I so egoistically judged. I guess I don't trust people who describe their lives as the answer to all the rest of us. Zen and the Art describes this guy who learns from his mistakes not to be such an impatient bastard and he takes over 400 pages to get there, if I remember correctly. He sounds to me like the victim of a blistering narcissism who is bent on spreading the gospel of him. Gospels of any stripe don't have much appeal to me. If they make people behave and be kind to others, then that's ok, but I think they have a more sinister subtext. Mostly people use them to separate us believers from them infidels. Speaking of infidels, I've been thinking about your query about how barbarians didn't have to justify their actions. I think part of that is that barbarians didn't have a particular view of themselves as world citizens. They believed themselves part of a group who must either conquer and prosper or wander without anything to make them happy: no glory, wealth, comradeship, stuff to leave their kids...Often in a space between the settled agriculture based economies that surrounded them. All these folks left home to do their pilaging. There must have been some reason they left. Have you ever read the old English poem The Wanderer? Exile, to people who lived in tribal groups, was like death. Or how 'bout, "Oh Western wind, when wilt thou blow, the small rain down can rain. Ah that my love was in my arms and I in my bed again." People who live in connection with the family/tribe that gives joy and meaning to their lives push pretty hard to keep it. If that requires relocating, then they were gung ho. We didn't have much justification for running out the natives in our neck of the woods. They were barbarians, after all. Did you hear about the Wolfowitz doctrine on NPR or elsewhere? Olga
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Dear humble,

You asked in the last W & S what everyone thought of receiving that epistle a day prior to the actual airplay of the corresponding show. Personally, it doesn't matter to me either way, as I normally won't read it until after the show. I refuse to open Christmas presents early, and this seems to me to be pretty much the same situation. I don't care to spoil the surprise.

This well-reasoned approach did not prepare me for the receipt of a Whine and Snivel for which there was no corresponding show that Friday evening!

It's amazing enough that the miracle of pre-recording can allow you to send out a transcript of what you haven't yet said on the air, but a transcript of what you didn't say was just mind-boggling! I was theorizing that this was the result of some kind of time travel on your part - forward to some future time when you had actually done a show such as described in this week's W & S - or some excursion into a parallel universe where this week's rerun show didn't air. (You know how the science fiction writers like to ruminate over what might have happened if Hitler hadn't come to power, or hadn't lost the war? I'm betting at some point they'll have a field day with George W. Bush scenarios.)

What a relief to know that the laws of physics (at least, as we think we understand them) haven't come unglued, sending humble Farmer programs and their corresponding Whines and Snivels careening through Einstein knows how many different dimensions! It's enough trouble just keeping email working without being overwhelmed by all the spam; I'd hate to have to figure out how to track your communications through the Twilight Zone!

Sorry not to have gotten back to you on your inquiry about Thomas Bearden's writings. I've been swamped lately and haven't looked into it too closely. One thing that jumps out at me is the warped definition he applies to the concept of scalar quantities, on which basis he builds much of his subsequent argument. It's so fundamental a concept in physics that any confusion on that regard seems difficult to explain, but I'm very far from accusing Bearden of being intentionally obtuse on that point in order to fabricate a case. I'm passing this to a friend who is much better qualified to deal with the deeper points of Bearden's material than I.

Mike in Winterport
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Humble-- Perhaps if you had the old parchment edition of The Constantinople Times, the spin doctors of yore would have an equally persuasive declaration which said, "The invading army wants everyone to know that we have only your best interest at heart. Since our god(s) are the really real ones and yours are mere naturalistic representations of a primitive tribal consciousness, we are giving you a great boon by taking over, helping ourselves to your stuff and imposing our [brutal and extremely violent] own government/religion in Its(their) place. Ours is the way to salvation, progress and prosperity. Remember, to make an omelet you hafta break a few eggs. Yours in Barbarism, The Horde." Or maybe in preliterate society, a mere retelling of the epic/saga/Niebelungenlied of your tribe was supposed to function in the same way...I think those people really did believe that the other was subhuman and therefore unworthy of an explanation. I'm sure we don't treat Charly, Akbar or Fritz the same way. Olga
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True Hall, of St. George, went into Craignair Inn for supper and told the young waitress that the last time he ate in there was 40 years ago.
“My goodness,” she said, “the food must have been terrible.”
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Dear Humble, I think you've got the best public radio show around. I've been listening to your show ever since I started traveling to NAS Brunswick for my Naval Reserve drill weekends. Your show is usually the at the end of my 3 1/2 hour drive from Cornish, NH to Brunswick, ME. It makes my last hour such enjoyable/relaxed one. Thank you. Please keep doing what you do best...entertaining us!! Take care, Glenn Thornton Cornish, NH
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On December 24, the day before Christmas, Christmas Eve, I sat down at my computer to download my email. But after the initial slug that came in the night before, I didn’t get any more. And as I thought about it, a warm glow of inner peace settled over me. What a wonderful world we now live in, when even spammers, the people who send out invitations to visit their porn sites and the people who want to deposit 24 million dollars in your bank account, take this day off to spend it in reverent contemplation of the season with their families.
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If you’re as old as I am, don’t you find it interesting that there are good people out there who are still trying? I got a phone call from a young man in Washington DC who is concerned about genetically engineered crops. I don’t understand the problem. It well might be the end of the world and it might be another Y2K where midnight came and nothing happened. I don’t know. I no longer believe that world overpopulation will be a problem because greedy kings and dictators will always be starting wars. Wars are doubly effective when it comes to population control because when everything goes into the war effort, there’s nothing left for medical research. And when you’re wondering if your kid is going to have his legs blown off, how much time are you going to spend worrying about gene-altered crops? The bottom line here is the same with any social issue. If there’s money to be made, it’s a great idea. Bring more rabbits to Australia.
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Just wanted to let you know that someone is still making wreaths in Maine. I am! With real Maine pine, pinecones and all. I've made all of 7 so far but they are beautiful. I love the show. Warmest Regards, Megan Keogh
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Robert-- When I was a gradual student at University of Southern Mississippi, we were shown a copy of a college catalog of the University of Mississippi, and it had an extra "iss" in it. "Missississippi." Olga
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When I flunked out of music school in 1960, I bought a one way ticket to Sweden on a freighter and sponged off my aunts until my favorite uncle bought me a ticket to get home. But I lived in Sweden long enough to consider it a second home. My grandmother and thousands of my relatives are buried there. For years I had a recurring dream that I had gone back to visit my friends and relatives in Sweden. If you lived abroad when you were a kid, you probably get all weepy every time you go back for a visit. I’ve been back 15 or 20 times and it is always the same. I get on the ferry boat in Halsingo, Denmark. I can see Sweden a couple of miles away. I stand out on deck, surrounded by Swedes, their hand carts piled high with tax free cigarettes and whisky, and as we approach the Swedish shore the tears come to my eyes as I think back to all the fun times I had with my long gone aunts. At least that was the way it used to be. But recently they dug a tunnel so you don’t even know when you’re there. How does one get all weepy roaring through a dark tunnel in a train?
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Hi! I too attended a one room school for the first four years and spent a year with relatives due to ailing parents, then part of one more year in a one room school. We sold Christmas cards to earn money to but a swing set for the school, actually for the first of the three schools in town. + I attended one room schools in Alna, I was suprised to find the first school I attended in the Smithsonian Magazine this pass spring. I didn't start school until 1956 so the war effort was past by then. There was a crockery jar in the back by a soapstone sink, it had a spigot, and that was the drinking and washing water for the day. When we arrived at school there would be a fire in the stove, in the coldest of weather, we would put clay, up on the tin under the stove so it would soften if we were going to do a project with it. I believe that the less affluent children sat nearer the stove as they hadn't clothing as warm as others. I think everyone rode the bus to school, unless they wanted to walk. The second one room school had the 4th,5th and 6th grade. The third one room school when I attended it had the 6th ,7th and 8th grades. After the 6th grade, we were all bused to the larger school in Wiscasset. The third one room school was on the hill by the Head Tide Church in Alna. The bus would leave us at the bottom of the hill and we would all walk up. The water there came from a spring in the village, in fall and spring the girls would go down and bring up buckets of water for the day, in winter, when it was icy the boys would be the ones to fetch the water. The wood shed for the school was on the side of the hall out to the boys' privey, in winter they would have to bring back wood for the stove when they went to use the privey. I remember teachers doing things that would be illegal today. The children in one poor family all had their hair cut by the teacher, they also had boils lanced by the teacher. I had my mouth washed out with soap for calling someone who pushed me off the new swings "fatso", I swallowed soap and ended up being sent home on the schoolbus because I got sick. I remember boys bringing guns to school, they would be out at daybreak hunting deer for the winters meat. They would have to leave the guns in the front of the room, where they could be seen by all and untouched until school was out for the day. They didn't ride the bus but hunted on their way home. I'm sure you must remember similiar things about the school you attended. Truly , Ruth E
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Attention women. Do your friends look at you and say, “My, you look old, my dear.”
This is a compliment. Remember that youth is folly, age is wisdom.
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Here’s a gee whiz fact for you. On this date in 1638, Massachusetts annexed Casco Bay. If we ask them they might come back and take that strip of fast-food stores in Ellsworth.
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My friend John Cushing told me that a doe rabbit that weighs ten pounds can produce 320 pounds of meat in a year. By comparison, it takes two acres of land to raise a cow. Rabbits will produce six pounds of meat on the same feed and water as a cow will produce one pound of meat. When John went home, I Googled his comments and found them confirmed in the Alabama Living magazine. I also read that the Office of Home Economics and the U.S. Department of Agriculture has made extensive tests resulting in findings which state that domestic rabbit meat is the most nutritious meat known to man.
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Maine houses defy category. You might live in a cape that your great-great grandfather built in 1820. In 1880 his grandson changed the windows from many small ones to three big ones. In 1940 your father covered up the clapboards with sheets of insulation board --- up to almost the second story. He either ran out of money or was scared to climb any higher. In 1960 he covered most of the insulation board with asbestos shingles. In 1980 you covered most of the asbestos shingles with wooden shingles, and now you live in a house with five or six generations of attempted improvements visible to the naked eye. Your house is one of Maine’s greatest assets. Tourists carry photographs of it back across the Kittery Bridge as mementos of the real Maine.
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Good news. Although there are people out there on the Internet that you don’t want to do business with, there are websites you can check to find out who is likely to cheat you. You might recall that I got cheated by Avalon Gadgets when I bought a camera for Marsha. I’m still looking for a cable to download pictures from that camera into my computer because they didn’t send me one. But, since then I have learned that there are sites out there that will help you. You are able to check a company’s track record before buying anything from them. Today I was looking for some CO805 Columbian 5” x 5” envelopes that hold cds. A company called Shoplet had a very good price listed. But --- I looked them up and saw that they are notorious for bad service. You can believe that very few people bother to write a review when everything goes good, but a few will be mad enough to write something bad if they were cheated. I am of the opinion that every time you see a 5 star perfect wonderful service listing snuggled in with 5 reviews that tell how people were ripped off, you can assume that it was written by a flunky with a vested interest. This is a public service message. Don’t buy on line unless you go on line and read the reviews. I now do it. I wish I knew about it a year ago. You’ll be glad you did.
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What a fine surprise! We've been listening to you for 28 years, in fact (I wouldn't have known how long without your note below, but I remember hearing a few of your earliest shows). I've always liked your taste in jazz, and your way with words. Where is St. George? Near Tenant's Harbor? We'd love to come to your Bed & Breakfast some day, but with our place in Blue Hill beckoning, it doesn't really make much sense. We usually dash right up from MA. But who knows, maybe some wintry weekend it would be fun. Are you open year round? Dan Dennett ps. I'm curious about what I've done that earns me a free overnight!
+
Dear Humble, First I would like to say that I am a big fan of yours, however that would not be entirely true. But my girlfriend however is, and it is on her behalf (sort of) that I am contacting you. I want to turn the back porch of our house into a would be greenhouse.Sarah is a master gardner and I need to find a way to satisfy her earthly desires, before she leafs me and moves to California like her other sun worshiping friends have done! I have been looking online for greenhouse supplies, such as sheets of polycarbonate, located in Maine. However I only seem to find companies in Italy, and the shipping strikes me as slightly cost prohibitive. Perhaps there are no such places because the only thing people think we grow up here are taters and tourists, maybe you can shed a little uv light on the situation. Sarah's loyalty to you is deserving of your assistance, she makes me prepare dinner while she listens to your show! PS: By the by I went to the common ground fair for the first time this year, even though I am a native of Pittsfield, Sarah has been going her whole life, she is from Belfast. I was hoping to run into you there, but only saw your truck.I was actually working there that day taking pictures for a fancy food magazine in NY called Saveur. There should be a couple of photos and a mention in their top 100 issue out in Jan. See you on the radio, John
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Whine and Snivel Please is what it said on the subject line. All the letter said was, “Dear Humble, see above. Thanks, Steve” When I saw that this letter came from Colby, I was concerned. I am always flattered when a professor at Colby listens, but the person who wrote, Steve, might be a student. College students should not be listening to this program. Don’t you agree that they are at school to learn how to make a living? What in the world could a college student possibly learn from listening to this program that would contribute to his or her well being 20 or 30 years from now? And students are too young to understand what I am saying half the time, anyway. An older person will chuckle and say, “You got that right humble,” but if you haven’t walked on this planet for 50 or more years a lot of this is going to go right over your head. So if you are a student, please turn off the radio and open your book. When exam time comes around you’ll be glad you did.
+
I always enjoy your jazz show when I can catch it (we're kind of on the western fringe of the Maine Public Radio signal). Also, I was lucky enough to enjoy your humor in person several years ago when you attended a meeting of the Lakes Region Board of REALTORS® in Laconia, New Hampshire. You mentioned your weight on a recent radio show. I've been studying nutrition and lifestyle since 1994 when I had triple bypass surgery at the age of 48. In these past 10+ years I've maintained my weight at 161 pounds (I'm 6'1" tall) without varying a pound or two because I've restricted my nutrition to 10 % of calories from fat and I do some light to moderate aerobic exercise (walk, bicycle, cross country ski, snowshoe etc. only a little but, practically every day). My cholesterol is now excellent. Prior to 1994 I'd averaged 210 pounds for most of my adult life and my cholesterol ratio was about 8 to 1! From my studies I've concluded personal body fat is not a health problem of itself, rather a symptom of lifestyle and too much nutritional fat. Although Ornish recommends vegetarianism we've done very well over the years by including small amounts of animal protein in dishes derived from all of the cuisines of the world. I'll be happy to share some with you if you'd like.
If you limit your fat calories you'll actually have to eat more food to maintain your weight after your initial weight loss. Carbohydrates are good for you. What do asian people eat? Check out incidences of lifestyle diseases in their native countries in the research done by Raymond Kurzweil below.
Highly recommend "THE 10 % SOLUTION FOR A HEALTHY LIFE" by Raymond Kurzweil; "THE PRITIKIN DIET"; and any of the books by Dr. Dean Ornish. Google Ornish and some of these others, should prove interestin'. Regards, Don Bristol, NH
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Dear humble,
I was very interested to hear about the experiences your friends Linda and Gerald Polley had in their appearances on Jimmy Kimmel's show. As you may recall, I work for the local outlet of the network which carries that show, so I am familiar with the program although I must admit I do not watch it. I'm sure Jimmy Kimmel is a perfectly nice person, but there is little I find so repellent as a person who makes obvious the fact that he thinks he is far funnier than I do. Who am I to criticize? After all, he *does* have a network TV show... seen after midnight, an hour at which I, as a much younger man, was too often "under the affluence of inkahol", and Ted Starrett, Jr. used to say, a condition in which almost everything seems much funnier than it actually is. Perhaps I have matured out of Kimmel's target demographic.

How I envy Linda and Gerald! They obviously enjoy a much clearer level of communication with John Lennon than I am able to attain with many people who have not yet passed over to the Other Side (I capitalize this so as to avoid having anyone ask "Other side of what?", to which question I have no response sufficiently concise as to answer more questions than it raises.)

Mind you, I don't wish to communicate with people on the Other Side arbitrarily; while there are some I'd cherish hearing from again, there are far more who would likely relish the opportunity to give me one more earful of something I didn't care much for the first time. Besides not really wanting to give them the satisfaction of doing so, I'd rather not risk blurting out some rejoinder that would further insult someone I will have to deal with for all Eternity once I eventually arrive Over There (I capitalize this to avoid having anyone think I allude to World War One Europe.)

I recall vividly the uproar that followed John Lennon's statement that he thought the Beatles were more popular than Jesus Christ. That incident should be a monument to the precise use of language; after all, he didn't say "better than," "preferable to," or even "nearly as pleasant as" Jesus Christ, but if you only paid attention to the firestorm of condemnation that was unleashed upon him for the remark, you'd have thought he had.

I have to wonder, though: did he have some tall explaining to do when he made his untimely arrival Over There on the Other Side, or did the plainly superior communication Over There make that a moot point?

Play some Lenny Breau for me when you can? Mike in Winterport
+
Greetings Mike And Humble! John has spoken of this incident to me on several occasions. I know Linda gave you the basic details but I'd like to express some of the finer points. The subject of John's comment was never taken up when he first arrived at The Kingdom Of God. He was very cordially welcomed and began his 17 year period of self imposed isolation, during which very few people were permitted to visit him, the chief ones being Jesus and Mary, Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. Others that wished to contact him were usually replied to by a written message. During this period of isolation when Jesus and Mary were visiting John brought up the incident that you are speaking of, and told Jesus he was deeply sorry for having made such a comment. Jesus laughed heartily, and answered, "My Dear John, when you made that satement it was absolutely true! At that point in history you and The Beatles WERE more popular than me! I cannot critisize, I cannot rebuke someone for speaking the absolute truth! God The Father would forbid my doing so. So let us not be concerned with this any more. Let us never have any concerns about it again!" And that was the end of it! It has never been spoken of since, except to tell someone that brings it up that it is not a matter to be concerned with.

The relationship between John and Jesus is beyond the understanding of the living. Jesus would tolerate no attacks on John. Considering what John has done for The Kingdom Of God, this is only understandable. That's about all I can tell you on that subject.

As for Jimmy Kimmel, the kindness and understanding of his staff and his good nature have made our appearances on the show something to be warmly remembered for a long time. We find him a delightful and sincere person. Some of the more recent skits have delighted Those in The Kingdom Of God. The Haunnaka song had Everyone in stitches, everybody is singing it. The skit about the Al Quaida tape with the guy saying he wasn't Santa Clause literally had Everybody rolling on the floor! Jimmy has some very good writers. We were posting on Jimmy's forum, but are now trying to get them taken down because the ignorant responses we have been getting from some of the other people posting there have just been too much. Jesus made a proposal of giving one of our stories to Arnold Schwarzennegger called "The Return Of Dagos" and having him make a movie out of it and use the proceeds to help pay the war debt. I told Him He couldn't do this, that it wasn't legal and He wanted people to tell Him if it was or not. Instead of answering the question, we got all kinds of crap that we were crazy and idiots, and why were we posting on a comedy site. It simply became too much. One of the posters commented "I was just having a little fun with you. I thought you were a comedy act, a schizophrenic."

Thanks again for your question! Glad to answer them.

Speaker Gerald Polley
+
As a beekeeper, I listened with interest to your comdplaint about the price of honey at Walmart, which doubled after the competition went under.

Well, without wishing to defend Walmart from a multitude of correct accusations---this is not one of them. The price of honey has risen to a more decent level for beekeepers in the past year or two, mainly because the Feds (very belatedly) stopped the dumping of Chinese and other foreign honey in the US market. Much of it was honey analog---that is, corn syrup chemically altered so that it can be mixed with honey so that it is undetectable by normal testing. This fake honey has been produced in India in large amounts.
+
Hi Humble, I lived in Poona (Pune) for a few months in 1961. It was a lovely town. I returned in 1994. The population had at least doubled, the traffic tripled, polution up 100%, noise terrible. The best thing about Poona now is getting there from Bombay (Mumbai) on the Deccan Express, a wonderful train that winds its way up the ghats (hills) to Pune on the Deccan (plateau). Later I lived in the south for six years - that in the 60's. India is a great place to live, but I wouldn't want to visit there. Keep the faith, Don in Gliford, NH

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